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from Books & Reviews
A New Age Perspective
of Masculine Potential
Book Review, The Quest For Maleness, by Theun Mares
(Lionhart Publishing/South Africa, 1999)
Reviewed by Thomas Phillips, M.B.A.
The reviewer is a "reparative-therapy graduate"
who found The Quest for Maleness to be relevant in
his own transition out of a gay lifestyle. He is
a former financial and marketing consultant for
IBM who now works as a real-estate investor in
Sonoma County, California.
The author of this book, Theun Mares, is a New Age
teacher whose philosophy evolved from the Toltec
(native Mexican) perspective. Other Toltecs
teachers include Carlos Castaneda, Don Miguel
Ruiz, and Victor Sanchez. New Age Toltecs have
adapted ideas from old Native Mexican tradition
and updated them to offer guidance in today's
world.
Mares' philosophy offers the model for male
consciousness which I have found most relevant in
my own life and transition out of homosexuality.
Other prominent models of male consciousness
include the Judeo-Christian, Mythic/Poetic (from
Robert Bly, author of Iron John: A Book About
Men), and the Gay-Affirmative/Feminist. Different
models, of course, speak to different individuals.
The Quest for Maleness is an explanation of Mares'
theory of masculinity. He investigates myths such
as "Men Don't Cry...Men are Aggressive... Men are
Strong ... Men Must Be Successful... Men are
Sexual Studs," and develops a theory around his
understanding of men's innate drives and also
their potentialities. The goal of life for a man
is to reach his true potential.
The author's philosophy of gender is that men are
naturally active, while women, from the time they
leave the womb, are inherently more passive. The
male strives toward a greater awareness, while the
female tends toward preservation. The male strives
to grow toward his full potential, while the
female already is. The two polarities of male and
female create a whole.
Mares states that the male is the leader, in
search of his full potential, and thus points the
way to others, even to women. However the male
must be constantly open to guidance from the
female, whose natural ways of knowing make her
more grounded.
The author believes that a natural aspect of
maleness is to seek enjoyment and to be prone to
succumb to excesses. Men indulge themselves in
activities of every kind--alcohol, drugs, food,
exercise, the radical pursuit of fitness. A
majority of men, he believes, have same-sex erotic
experiences as they grow up even though most of
them know they are heterosexual. But some men, he
says, out of their sexual insecurity, succumb to
homosexuality because "they abandon themselves to
the experience," just as other men abandon
themselves to sensual diversions and excesses of
other kinds.
A small portion of the book--ten pages out of
228--deals with homosexuality. Mares sees
homosexuality as contrary to "Male Truth," because
men who do not include women will live unbalanced
lives by elevating the masculine above the
feminine. "This is a far cry from remaining true
to our gender" (of union with the female), because
"unless we remain true to our gender" (and unite
with the female), "we cannot possibly unfold our
true potential," he says.
Gay couples cannot evolve to their fullest
potential because one male takes the female role,
and the "femme"--who invariably feels the most
inadequate about his masculinity--looks to another
man to take the lead so he can be "fertilized."
He'll always be "empty," however, no matter how
much sex he has, because he cannot "conceive." He
seeks out additional men, longing for fulfillment,
"not realizing it is his own masculine potential
he longs for."
Neither can the "top" find fulfillment, because
although he's more masculine than the bottom, he
knows his partner will never get pregnant, and
their relationship lacks the creative potential it
would have if it had been endowed with natural
male-female polarity.
Mares states that "I personally do not sit in
judgment of homosexuality," and he admits that he
himself has had homosexual experiences.
Are some men born homosexual? No, he says; "All
men are born with a masculine potential which it
is their duty to unfold."
His perspective reflects that of many native
peoples from the developing world who believe that
homosexual relationships can lay the groundwork
for a boy's eventual manhood and marriage to a
woman. But "the problem with most people
[homosexuals] is that they like to indulge in the
experience, rather than treating it as a learning
curve which brings not only a gift of knowledge,
but also the keys to liberation from that
challenge." Then Mares strays to the New Age Left
when he implies a belief in reincarnation, saying
that some men consider themselves homosexual
"because of many lifetimes of imbalance."
Most men receive modeling from their fathers, but
gay men typically receive less male modeling from
their fathers than do straight men. A model or
mentor is essential for men coming out of
homosexuality, providing guidance and direction
during a confusing time when a struggler is
changing lifestyles, beliefs, friends, sexual
expression, and relationships. Growth outward
toward women requires masculine strength and new
relationship skills, and a mentor speaks to each
man's dream of bonding with a woman. A mentor not
only evokes a powerful heterosexual masculinity,
but also is capable of offering an intelligent
explanation of why the homosexual path is deviant.
Rather than being based on biblical revelation--to
which only a particular faith community will be
receptive--the mentor's advice can be based in an
experiential point-of-view which calls on an
intuitive awareness of nature and is grounded in
the Force that created each one of us. For this
purpose, Mares' book offers helpful guidance.
Updated: 8 February 2008
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